I just picked up a book at the local book store called "God On Mute." I can't seem to put it down. It is the most honest book regarding prayer that I have ever read. God broke me this morning on my lack of trust. I was a little bit apprehensive at first to get the book because I sensed that God might use it reveal to me some aspects in my prayer life that I need to change or work on. I was right but it has been a beautiful gut wrenching this morning as I have been reminded that the unknown is okay and that I am not alone in struggling how to communicate with or even why I need to communicate with our the Creator of this universe and everything in it or in the words of Moi "The God who makes the earth spin and float."
Have you ever been afraid that the closer you get to God the more He might test and shape you and that sometimes that shaping might involve pain because we are afraid of losing the things most dear to us. To be honest that has been my fear lately. I am being reaffirmed that God is in control and in the Matt paraphrase of scripture "If I want to love, cherish and give Carson the best and would stop at almost nothing to do it how much more does God want to do that for His children (Me)." Thank you God for allowing me to be called your child. Pray for me so that I fall deeper and deeper in love with my Heavenly Father and learn to trust Him more and allow His love to be perfected in me.
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This is where I have been for a while now. I feel like I'm "in training" for something big. And this training process, which is bringing me closer to God, is so very painful and trying. The initial fear - being fiercely pursued by God - is overwhelming. The trials and struggles are hard. But the rewards are awesome! The peace I have in my life is worth every moment, and my faith is growing daily. I know this because my 3 year old has noticed. She thanks God for saving us parking places! How great is that!
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